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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

the dark side

There are mommy bloggers out there who are consistently peppy, and seem to pop from the pages.  I am not one of those bloggers.

Believe it or not, I am willing to admit that motherhood is not all rainbows and glittery unicorns.  It is not always cheery and bright.  Or, maybe it is and I'm just the oddball out.  That could be, I guess.

Don't get me wrong... I do love my children and my husband dearly.  But, this has been a difficult summer for me.  Alex is being his usual defiant self.  Katie is whining and demanding.  She's two.

I wouldn't trade them for the world, but sometimes I wonder if life wouldn't be easier if there wasn't such a spread between the two.  Seven and a half years is tough.  I'm sure two and a half years is tough, too.  Pretty much, I guess motherhood is just tough.

By the time my husband gets home at night, I am so beaten down by the continuous needs of the children that I just want to withdraw and be by myself.  He thinks I am mad at him.  I am not.

How much can I give of myself until there just isn't any more?  I suppose that there will always be enough love to go around.  But, I wonder.  I really do.

I can't take on the extra stuff right now.  The sleepovers.  My son's constant need to have friends over.  The extra chaos and noise.  I can't do it.  I really just want a calm, peaceful summer.  That is all.

3 comments:

  1. I think you are being human. Motherhood isn't always rainbows and puppy dogs, some days are really tough.

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  2. Hugs. You are not alone. I think my husband thinks I'm a miserable person sometimes because by the time he comes home I am often used up, touched out, and exhausted with a million things left on my to do list. I hope you can find some alone time to relax and regroup. Oh and 25 months and 5 days isn't fun most days either ;) <3

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  3. You are being 100% human. It's the insanely happy moms that are either lying thru their teeth or they have a nanny/housekeeper. ;) Sounds like you could use a MNO.... :) Hope you find some peace and quit, if only for a few minutes.

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