dark chocolate preacher cookies

This recipe is loosely adapted from a church cookbook that I found at my mother in law's home over the weekend.  While we were visiting, most of the family was outside building a massive wooden swing set/ fort thingy.  However, I was stuck inside during Katie's naptime and grew bored quickly.  What else was there to do, but to bake?

source

Ingredients:
2 cups sugar
3 heaping tablespoons dark cocoa powder
1 stick of butter
3 cups quick oats
1/2 cup peanut butter


How To:
Mix together the sugar, cocoa powder, and the butter in a heavy saucepan.  Bring to a boil and stir constantly for three minutes.  Remove from heat.  Add oats and peanut butter.  Mix well.  Scoop heaping spoonfuls onto wax paper and let cool.  Ready to eat in about ten minutes.

These cookies are good all by themselves, but are absolutely delicious with a glass of milk. 

berry whip trifle

This weekend, my family and I took to the hills to go strawberry picking.  We drove through the woods, over Beaver Dam Creek, and out a winding road to Scott's Strawberry Farm, located in Moneta, VA.  The berries were ripe for pickin' and we had a wonderfully relaxing morning in the field.

 

Upon returning home, we all sat down at the kitchen table and capped the strawberries.  As we capped them, Katie shoveled the juicy fruit into her mouth as fast as she could.  By the end of the afternoon, she was covered in strawberry juice from her hairline to her belly-button.  

For the first time ever, I made strawberry freezer jam, using the directions in a box of sure-jell.  I would love to post pictures, but thrift got the best of me and I "canned" my freezer jam in gladware instead of the cute little Ball jelly jars.  If anyone wants to send me an i-love-you present, then a couple of sets of jars would be greatly appreciated.  

Last night, I also baked an angel food cake in preparation for my Mother's Day trifle.  Oh my wow... it was so delicious!  I first ate angel food cake as a preteen.  The cake was purchased from the nearby convenience store that everyone would hang around after school hours.  It was prepackaged, airy deliciousness.  I had never tasted it before and I longed for it many times thereafter.  

While angel food cake was widely available at the grocer, my mother would never purchase it.  She preferred those little spongy rounds that are sold near the strawberries every spring.  Shortcake in our home was nowhere near homemade.  

One year, she did try to make actual shortcakes using Bisquick, but it didn't turn out well and everyone refused to eat them.  I swear, one of those little cakes could have broken a window, had it been tossed in the right direction!  

Personally, I prefer the combination of angel food cake, sugar-coated strawberries, and redi-whip.  But, canned whipped cream wouldn't hold up to setting as a trifle, so I went the cool-whip route instead.  My trifle consists merely of cubed angel food cake, strawberries, and cool whip.  I left out the jello, pudding, cream cheese, and other concoctions that I found online because, to me, they weren't very classic.  The result was absolutely delicious.  

If you slow down and use room temperature whip, your version will look much nicer.  But, I was in a rush and I licked my fingers a lot.

Berry Whip Trifle
4 cups strawberries, capped and halved
1 angel food cake (see recipe below)
1 container cool-whip

Layer ingredients as desired, starting with the cake and ending with the cool whip.  Add whole decorative strawberries on top.  Refrigerate overnight.  Serve cold.

Angel Food Cake

12 eggs
1 1/4 cup confectioner's sugar
1 cup cake flour
1 1/2 teaspoons cream of tartar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar

1. While eggs are cold, separate them.  Discard yolks or refrigerate for another use (not sure what.  I tried to make a yolk-heavy ham and cheese omelet for breakfast this morning and it was inedible.  Well, the kids ate it... but anyone with particularly developed taste buds would not have.  I promise you.)   Place the egg whites in a mixing bowl and let them stand at room temperature for about an hour, or until you remember you were going to bake a cake.
2. Meanwhile, mix together confectioner's sugar and flour together.  You could sift them if you're really special, but I just flopped a fork around in the bowl a few times and it was fine.  Maybe it could have been better, but honestly-- I don't see how.  
3. Add cream of tartar, extracts and salt to egg whites; beat a minute or so on high speed.  If you have a stand mixer, turn that baby all the way up and just let it fly.  Don't let it fly too high, though, or you won't have room for the sugar.   (It is best to use the flat whisk-y attachment, not the balloon whisk for this) Gradually add sugar, beating hard until sugar is dissolved and stiff peaks form.  Again, don't get distracted.  
4. Fold in flour mixture, 1/4 cup at a time. 
5. Gently spoon into an ungreased 10-in. tube pan. Cut through batter with a knife to remove air pockets. Bake at 350 degrees F for 40-45 minutes or until cake springs back when lightly touched.  
6. Flip cake out of pan while still warm.  You may need to run a knife around the sides to loosen it, too.

You know what just occurred to me?  I bet it would be so yummy to serve this with that freezer jam on top.  Oooo-weee! Yum!

empty tomb cookies

Though we are on "spring break" this week, my children and I are going to spend some time talking about what Easter is really about.  I was looking for fun activities that we could do to illustrate the Easter Story when I came across a recipe for Empty Tomb Cookies.

One Palm Sunday several years ago, I made something similar to this with my Sunday School class.  Instead of cookies, we baked Resurrection Rolls.  The lesson went well.  The children enjoyed being in the kitchen and were very attentive.  While the rolls were baking, we made construction paper palm fronds to carry with us into the sanctuary for worship.

However, in stumbling across this recipe for cookies, I think I have found an even more meaningful activity to do with my own children.  The author outlines activities throughout the lesson that will serve to provide a hands-on understanding of the Easter Story.  Additionally, for each step in the baking process, she provides Scripture to read and discuss.  She completes her tutorial with lovely photographs of her children and her cookies (which look delicious, by the way).

I think my favorite part of the entire recipe is when the children tape the oven closed the night before Easter and allow the cookies to bake overnight.  This gives them something more substantial to be excited over on Easter morning, rather than just what the Easter bunny may have brought.  While our family does the whole Easter bunny ~ basketful of candy ~ hidden egg thing, I really want to work to impart more meaning in the treasured holiday.  This may be our perfect way.

Easter morning, 2010

when the cat's away

John is working late tonight and we've had a long day.  It all started with Alex's viola lessons, which were followed by a visit to the doctor's office for Katie.  While there, she made it quite clear that she isn't a fan of our captivating pediatrician.  The diagnosis?  Sinus infection.  Poor thing.

After berating the pharmacist at Walgreens for making me wait ten whole minutes before he ever acknowledged my presence or responded to the call button, (hello!  It's me here.  Don't you know how important I am?) we made our way home.  Not too long after lunch, Alex had golf lessons and we were out the door again. 

Where am I going with this mindless rambling?  To dinner, of course!  The highlight of every home cook's day.  I was so tempted to serve cereal and bananas for dinner tonight, given that my husband won't be home and the little one is finally napping.  I mean, throw a dollop of peanut butter in there and it's a fairly balanced meal, right?  I know it would satisfy me, at least this evening.  Not having to do the dishes afterwards would satisfy me even more!

Alas, I found a compromise.  Who says that dinner has to be served right at 5:30?  Well, me... normally.  Is that just my little quirk?  We're going to eat late tonight, at 7:30!  Shocking!  I'm still doing a two pan breakfast for dinner dish.  We're having good ol' corned beef hash, fried or scrambled eggs, and toast with apple butter.  Yum, yum! 

And that, of course, gives me more time to blog hop before I have to fire up the cooktop.  Yay!

If you're stopping by for the first time, or the hundredth, and would like me to check out your blog, please leave a comment with your link below.  I'll take a peek during all this newfound free time that I have.

the little sandwich cookie which could

... cause me to gain ten pounds overnight.

At least, that's my best guesstimate.  Because I ate not one, but two of these heavenly wonders.   After dinner tonight, I wanted a little something sweet.  Okay, I really wanted a warm, chewy, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie.  But, horror!  We were out of chocolate chips.  Not just almost out, but completely out.  I'll have to add that to my Sam's Club list for this week.  That, and another 10 lbs of flour and some cocoa.  Because I've been doing THAT much baking recently.  Yeah.  Ten pounds right on my ass.

Anyway, we were out of chocolate chips, but we had half a container of Hershey's cocoa powder and a bag of confectioner's sugar.  Then, I remembered this recipe that a friend had shared a while back.  I just had to go there.  Now I have a whole tray of cookies waiting to be iced.  Am I complaining?  Heck no.

Here's the recipe, but you really need to hop on over to smitten kitchen to read the author's funny little tales that go along with each recipe.  She really is my favorite internet cook.

Makes 25 to 30 sandwich cookies

For the chocolate wafers:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch process cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 to 1 1/2 cups sugar [see recipe note]
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) room-temperature, unsalted butter
1 large egg
For the filling:
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) room-temperature, unsalted butter
1/4 cup vegetable shortening
2 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1. Set two racks in the middle of the oven. Preheat to 375°F.
2. In a food processor, or bowl of an electric mixer, thoroughly mix the flour, cocoa, baking soda and powder, salt, and sugar. While pulsing, or on low speed, add the butter, and then the egg. Continue processing or mixing until dough comes together in a mass.
3. Take rounded teaspoons of batter and place on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet approximately two inches apart. With moistened hands, slightly flatten the dough. Bake for 9 minutes, rotating once for even baking. Set baking sheets on a rack to cool.
4. To make the cream, place butter and shortening in a mixing bowl, and at low speed, gradually beat in the sugar and vanilla. Turn the mixer on high and beat for 2 to 3 minutes until filling is light and fluffy.
5. To assemble the cookies, in a pastry bag with a 1/2 inch, round tip, pipe teaspoon-size blobs of cream into the center of one cookie. Place another cookie, equal in size to the first, on top of the cream. Lightly press, to work the filling evenly to the outsides of the cookie. Continue this process until all the cookies have been sandwiched with cream. Dunk generously in a large glass of milk.

Finally, I just want to share that I'm honored to have been chosen (at random, fine, but still...) to be this week's Featured Blogger at Mom Blog Monday Blog Hop (that's a mouthful!).  Please link up below, if you so wish, and be sure to follow the first three (plus me!) blogs on the list. 

mixed berry blast fruit roll ups

Last summer, I bought a couple of bags of mixed berries with the intent of scooping them out for pancake toppings, berry muffin mixes, and smoothies.  I did make one batch of muffins, which were gag-worthy, before the bags got pushed to the back of the freezer.  I dug them out this week and decided to make some homemade fruit roll ups, or fruit leather.

I have not purchased fruit roll ups for my kids for years, mainly because my son can't have them due to dental issues.  However, I can tell you that I will never buy them again.  This recipe is so easy to make, and pretty hard to mess up.  Substitute other types of fruit for the berries, if you prefer.  This would be great with strawberries, apples, grapes, kiwi, or pears, for instance.

Just for kicks, I looked up the ingredients for General Mills Fruit Roll Ups.   According to their website, you're looking at "pears from concentrate (so, okay... you're getting pears... but this list is supposed to be for the berry flavored roll ups), corn syrup (no big surprise), dried corn syrup, sugar, partially hydrogenated cotton seed oil, and 2% or less of the following: citric acid, sodium nitrate, acetylated monoglycerides, fruit pectin, dextrose, malic acid, vitamin C (absorbic acid), natural flavor, color (red 40, yellows 5 & 6, and blue 1).  Wow.  That's a lot of stuff.  If I wanted to make that at home, I don't even know where I would by some of that stuff.  acetylated mono-whats?  hmmm.

The good thing is, home cooks can make something even tastier with fewer ingredients.  I don't know that these homemade fruit roll ups cost less, or the same, as the packaged version, but you do get more than ten at a time, so I'm willing to bet that the price evens out.  As for the taste, my kids loved them.  My son even asked for more.  That's something that rarely happens, even with fruit.

he was happy to be eating it.  he only looks puny because of a cold.

Ingredients:
4 cups fresh or frozen berries
Sugar to taste (I wound up using about a half a cup)
1/2 cup water
splash of lemon juice, to taste

Also, you'll need parchment paper, saran wrap, a blender, a couple of cookie sheets or rectangular cake or brownie pans, and an oven (or a hot hot hot day)



Cook berries, water, and sugar and lemon juice on medium low heat for about 20 minutes, though you could half this time if you are using fresh or thawed fruit.

Puree fruit mixture in a blender until smooth.

Line cookie sheets with parchment paper, allowing some extra to hang over one edge.  Make sure to only use one piece of paper per cookie sheet.  If you piece it together and have a seam, the fruit will run underneath and won't solidify.  Trust me on this one!  (I used saran wrap for this step, but I later worried about heating the plastic in the oven.  So, you may see saran wrap in the pictures, but I don't recommend using it).

 Pour puree into cookie sheets, 1/8 inch to 1/4 inch thick.  Bake in an oven, preheated to 150 degrees for 8 to 12 hours.  Or, leave the trays outside in the heat all day.

Roll-ups are done when they are firm to the touch.  Let cool to touch, remove fruit from paper.  Place fruit sheet on a sheet of saran wrap, roll fruit and wrap together tightly, like you're rolling up a newspaper, and cut into sections.  Store in an air tight container up to a month.

 Yield varies, but this made two cookie sheets' worth for me.

two titties and a funeral

Way back when, the spring before John and I were married to be precise, John's grandparents passed away within six weeks of each other.  This story takes place after one of their funerals.  I can't remember which, though I'm pretty sure it was his Grandma's.  I don't actually remember going to his Papa's funeral, now that I think about it.  But, I'm sure I did... I guess.

At any rate, we'll say it was his Grandma's funeral.  If you were there, correct me if I'm wrong.

It was a pretty day, and after the funeral part was over, John's family loaded up to drive to the nearest Golden Corral.  I don't recall how this place was chosen, but I do know that this was the only instance in which I had ever been around his aunts and their children for any length of time.  The meal has not been repeated since.  Surely it isn't because of what happened, but I guess we'll never know.

The meal was a jolly one, which I thought was strange to follow the burial of the family's matriarch.  But, I guess family needs to let of steam when someone who has been sick and cared for for so long passes on.  Regardless, we weren't having a solemn meal, and I guess that was a good thing.

 Towards the end of the lunch, John finished up his plate of food and went off in search of dessert.  He came back with two sumptuous cupcakes placed atop his plate.  Side by side, they sat, with their perky little gumdrops sitting straight up in the air.  This was before cupcakes were fashionable dessert items, but nevertheless, John had an intense love for them.  And, these... the way they were place side by side on his plate... well... we all looked at one another and smirked.  Then, John's most-proper mother, of all people, exclaimed, "They look just like titties!"

Well, maybe not quite.  But, she did point out, rather indelicately, that John had brought a couple of pink-tipped knockers to the table.  And, she wasn't referring to mine.

* Photo Credit:
Spring has Sprung, Some rights reserved by jurvetson on Flickr
Hearts for Haiti, Some rights reserved by norwichnuts on Flickr

pass the cat puke, please (a recipe for gruel)

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Don't you just hate it when you come down with a cold so nasty that you want to just lay in bed for days on end? Your head is throbbing, your nose is flowing, and you're hacking up random green monsters. The last thing you want to do is cook dinner, right?

On Friday evening, after retiring to bed around 1 PM, I actually gathered up the strength to throw together a meal for my family. Admirable, huh? A few weeks prior, I had made a version of Beef Stroganoff that my friend Hampton had shared with me. According to my recollection, it was a fairly simple recipe to make, and the whole family apparently enjoyed it.

Now, I don't know if I remembered the recipe incorrectly, or if it was the substitution for ground turkey instead of ground beef, or if it was the cooking time, or what.  I don't really know where I went wrong.  But, when the meal was finished, the product closely resembled cat puke.  Yes, really.  It was a gray, chunky mess.  Not quite runny, but definitely moist.  The best part was that I served it up over egg noodles, which make everything better.  So, we had cat puke on noodles.  Yum-o.

The worst part of the meal was that I felt so poor I didn't even notice.  My husband didn't say much about this dish, other than making an interesting little squeak when I told him, in a proud sort-of way, that I had added A-1 this time.  A-1!  That makes everything taste delicious!  Except, maybe, things resembling cat vomit.  But, I still didn't get it.  I put lots of salt and pepper on my meal, after remembering that I had forgotten to season, and ate it up.  My daughter poked at hers.  My husband looked a little green.  But, it was good.  I had fixed a lovely meal, despite the rivers of neon slime running from my nose.

The next morning, I got up after a pretty decent night's sleep.  What did I find on the stove?  Definitely not the gourmet home meal that I envisioned myself preparing in the midst of illness.    Nope, I found a frying pan full of cat puke, and we don't have a cat.  You know how most things, if left out overnight, will get crusty and stick to the pan?  Not this.  Though the top looked funky and a little dried out, the bottom was just as moist as the day it was hacked up.  All I had to do was tilt the pan over the trashcan and, plop!  Out it slid, leaving a gooey, gray trail in its path.  That's when I first realized that the lovely meal I created looked more like something the cat coughed up on her deathbed.  Slimy, chunky, gray vomit.  Oh, the memories.

Later in the day, I apologized to John for feeding him the mess.  "That's okay," he said.  "It was more like gruel."  Gruel!  Oh dear.  Gruel.  Well, that's only slightly less flattering than cake puke.  Gruel is the food of old ladies and ogres.  Maybe a prisoner or two.  My poor family.  I fed them gruel. 

Wouldn't you know, at 4:30 that afternoon, John was kindly in the kitchen preparing dinner.  I guess he didn't want to chance it.  We ate macaroni and cheese and corn dogs that night.  After the previous evening's meal, it felt like we were in a five-star restaurant in the city.  Nitrates on a stick... yummy.

Gruel
Ingredients:
One can of cream of mushroom soup
2/3 pound of ground turkey
A shot of A-1 sauce

Directions:
Brown ground turkey.  Add canned soup and A-1, stir.  Cook over low heat until you get bored.  Serve over cooked egg noodles.  Pinch nose while eating.

**This is not the recipe that Hampton shared with me.  It is, however, my sickie-recollection of it.

cherry cheesecake

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Happy birthday to my better half! 

 To celebrate the occasion of his birth, 29 years ago, I'm spending the latter part of my morning baking a cherry cheesecake. It is in the oven right now and, let me tell you, the batter alone tastes soooooo good.  I used this recipe, Aunt Connie's Amazing New York Style Cheesecake.  According to the author, it is fool-proof.  Given that this is my first cheesecake ever, I'm banking on it.

nearly dye-free strawberry cake balls

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Like most elementary students, Alex had a Valentine's Day party at school yesterday. When the goodies and treats sign up sheet came out last week, I wrote in that I would send cake balls, much to my family's delight.

In developing this recipe, my goal was to provide a treat that was on the healthier side of the scale, as well as something that was tasty and not nearly nutritious. In my recent reading, I have been learning that kids with ADHD may have sensitivities to certain food additives and colorings, so I sought to eliminate the majority of the food coloring from my preparations. Yet, I wanted to do so in a way in which the result would be tasty, pretty, and fun. I must disclose that, at the end, I topped each cake ball with a smattering of red sprinkles, because I just couldn't help myself, but you could easily leave these out for a truly dye-free treat.

Ingredients:
1 French Vanilla Cake Mix, or ingredients for any white cake recipe of your choosing. I had very little time, so I went the way of the mixes.
2ish cups of strawberry puree (see below)
Vanilla Almond Bark
1 TBS Shortening
Sprinkles, if desired

Strawberry Puree
 Last May, we went out to a local berry farm to pick strawberries.  I bought way more than I needed so that I could freeze the excess and have strawberry treats all year long.   Before freezing, I washed, capped, and sliced the berries.  Then, I froze them in 3 cup increments.  If, like most, you didn't do this, then just pick up a couple of containers of strawberries from your grocer.  Or, substitute frozen berries.  If you go for frozen, check the label for dyes, though.

Thaw your berries, if needed, in a saucepan over low heat.  When berries can be easily separated, put them in a blender or food processor and blend until smooth.  Set aside.

Preparation:
Prepare cake mix as directed, but substitute strawberry puree for oil, as you would applesauce in any other recipe.  This will give the cake a delightfully berry flavor.  Bake in any cake pan as directed.  Let cool.

When cake is cool, slice cake into inch-size chunks and place in a large bowl.  Using a potato masher, mash.  Add strawberry puree in small increments until cake is wet enough to stick together in a ball, but not too gooey.  Put mixture in the freezer and let chill for an hour or so.

Ballin' it Up:
Remove mixture from freezer and, using a favorite spoon or cookie scoop, scoop cake mix into balls and place on plates or a cookie sheet that will fit in your freezer.  If desired, roll balls to make them more round or shape into any form desired.  Hearts would be cute.  Freeze balls for another hour or so.

Alternative: Use buttercream frosting with strawberry flavoring instead of the strawberry puree to get a richer, more decadent treat.

Dippin':
Heat Almond Bark and shortening in a microwave-safe bowl for 90 seconds.  Stir.  Continue heating at 15 second intervals until melted and shortening is combined.  Using two forks for search and rescue, drop cake balls into almond bark and cover.  Retrieve and place on Parchment Paper-covered plates or sheets.  Sprinkle with candy immediately, if desired.  Repeat for all of your balls.

Serve whenever.  But, don't be surprised if these two-bite goodies don't last very long. 

For those of you following my mortified mama series, don't be surprised when I gain, oh... ten pounds this week.

For better directions, much better photos, and fantastic ideas, check out Bakerella's lovely site.

A special thank you to Nicole for teaching me how to make these yummy desserts.  My family loves you.  If you're in the Roanoke area, Nicole makes the BEST cakes and cake pops around.  Check out her One Bite Delights to place orders for cake balls or cake pops for your next party or social function.

Cake Balls are just the right size for toddler hands.

texas shithouse

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I just had the worst restaurant experience ever. Really, it was horrific. I suppose the main problem, aside from the crap they called "food," was that the place just did not meet our expectations. But, our expectations were based on previous experiences, which should set a precedent for visits to come. Boy, were we wrong.

Recognize the name?  If so, stay away.  Stay far, far away.  At least if you live in Roanoke, that is.  Other locations may be better, but the menu's still the same.

Walking into the restaurant, we noticed that the decor was all wrong.  It's like there wasn't really any.  When it opened, this location closely resembled an Applebee's.  There was crap all over the walls.  Even sitting through a long wait could be made interesting by a rousing game of I-SPY.  License plates adorned the walls of the bar, taxidermied animals were placed in prowling positions, and there was a plethora of old neon signs, glass bottles, framed photographs, tin signs, flags, and more.  Now, the walls are brown and red, with generic framed posters that should exude a "Texan" feel.  To me, it is no better than a Golden Corral.

Also, there used to be a jukebox.  That's now gone.  Along with all the music.  There isn't even canned muzak coming from the speakers.  Now, there's just none.  The place sounds like a cafeteria, with forks and glasses clinking, people chatting, and nothing drowning it all out in the background. 

So, we get our table after a short wait and find that the waitress is incredibly green.  Now, this can happen in any restaurant, but the Steakhouse used to have the most experienced waitstaff in town.  Their standards were ridiculously high.  I know.  I used to work there busing the tables and it was near impossible to get a position as a hostess, let alone as a server.  Now, they'll hire anyone who passes a drug test, by the looks of it.  (Or, maybe even if they don't!)   From wrong beverage orders to no butter on the bread, to reusing the glasses, to not knowing the selection on the menu, she was bad.  Just really bad.

My biggest pet peeve with our waitress, Provolone (name has only been slightly changed), was that whenever we asked for a drink refill, she would reply, "Please take your straw."  Let me tell you, I have NEVER been asked to remove my straw from a drink in any place other than Chick Fil A.  Never.  Not even once.  Well, okay.  Maybe at McDonald's when they still had the fountain behind the counter.  But, never in a sit-down eatery.  What is that?  My drink was the only one at the table that she was refilling, so she couldn't have possibly given it to the wrong person.  Beyond that, I had tea, my mother had coke.  How hard is that to mix up.  And, even if she did think she might just get confused, it isn't to hard to remember that the right hand is Coke and the left hand is Tea.  That is, if she knew her right from her left.  That's a maybe.

The food came eventually.  We had ordered the "Blossom Petals" as an appetizer.  Anyone remember that Texas Steakhouse used to actually have a blooming onion?  Uh-huh.  When this location first opened, before Outback ever thought of coming to Roanoke, they did.  It was delicious.  There was a kick to the batter and the dipping sauce had a bite.  Not so anymore.  We received a platter of bland, tasteless, limp onion sticks and a cup of thousand island dressing.  This was something straight from the freezer section of the dollar store.  Nasty.  We had to send it back.

After another half hour wait, we received our entrees.  I had ordered the Black and Blue Salad and my mother ordered the ribeye.  Mine should have been medium (warm pink center), her's medium rare.  The waitress put our plates on the table and requested that we cut into our steaks right away to make sure that they were cooked okay.  Then, she stood there and watched us do it.  Again, annoying.  Go away, let me enjoy my first few bites, then come back and check on us after a minute or two.  At any rate, we both gave a perfunctory nod because we just wanted to be left along.

Looking at my mother's plate, I noticed that she had a very bloody pulp of meat staring at me from across the table.  As she started to cut into it, I informed her that she COULD NOT eat that.  Now, we aren't the type of sissies who would turn up our noses at a little bit of undercooked meat, but this was definitively raw.  Not just pink like prime rib, but bloody, stringy, bright red, raw.  It looked like there was a dissected, used tampon thrown across her plate.  Yes.  That nasty.

Upon closer inspection of my own plate, I quickly found that my steak was oozing thick red blood into my bed of lettuce.  I'm sorry, but a medium steak should not be dripping with blood.  I like it juicy, but not THAT juicy, my friend.  The dressing was in a bowl, but had congealed around the edges.  You know, like when you leave a salad plate out over night?  That yellowing slime that forms around the rim of any leftover ranch?  Yeah, that.  That's the sort of funk that was ringing my blue cheese. 

The good news is, after a short conversation with the insanely young manager, our bill was taken care of.  Good thing, because the only thing we actually ingested was the dinner rolls.  He did offer to recook our food, but I wasn't up for a nuked steak on a bed of bloody lettuce, and my mother was so disgusted she was no longer hungry.  I can see why.  My tummy is still rolling at the mere thought of it.

Long story short, we won't ever return to Texas.  The restaurant just is not what it was in its heyday.  I should know.  My stepdad was the first general manager of that location.  Does that make me a little biased?  Probably.  I spent many afternoons in that place before it ever opened, many weekend evenings in its first year or two, and many, many, many nights working there as a teen.  Though my stepfather only worked there a few years, the restaurant retained the character that he poured into it until very recently.  It's a shame that the swinging saloon doors are gone, that the decor is more Western Sizzlin', and that the waitstaff is no longer top-notch.  The place was good.  Now, it's just a chain-smoking dump.

Would I feel the same way if I had never been there before tonight?  Probably.  I'm not willing to pay $17 for a steak from a cafeteria.  Texas Steakhouse is no better than K&W in that regard, just lots pricier and quite a bit shabbier.  I'll pass, thank you very much.

home invasion

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There I am, sitting on the toilet, and the smell hits me. It is absolutely atrocious, almost like celery... or cumin. I can't quite place it, but I know that THAT smell should not be coming from MY ass.

I had eaten dinner at the Village Grill.  I ordered the Buffalo Chicken Quesadilla, which is very good, but always gives me tummy trouble.  I think it has to do with the buffalo sauce.  Buffalo sauce and my stomach never get along.  I should know better, and I do, but sometimes good food is worth the price of a hard poop later on.  Sometimes I'm just a glutton for punishment, as my Granny would have said.

I'm not surprised to be on the toilet.  I'm actually pleased that my tummy isn't bothering me as much as it usually would after having eaten such a meal.  I am, however, mortified by the odor.  It isn't the usual smell of my poop.  My shit doesn't stink, you know.  Rather, this is the smell of something utterly horrifying.

Recognize that little fella?  If you live anywhere on the east coast, you might.  These stink bugs have invaded my home over the past few years.  However, this year has been the absolute worst.  And, now one was swimming in my toilet.  Given the fact that it was emitting it's awful stench, I figure that it must be alive.  Starting to panic, I imagine the pest crawling up the rim of the toilet and squirming across my hindquarters.  "Oh my God!  Don't let that thing touch me," I think to myself.

Quickly, quickly now, I gather myself and finish my business.  Getting up, I have to look.  There is no other option.  I must make sure that it is still in the bowl, and not in my pants.  Sure enough, there he is, swimming along the surface of the water, kicking his legs and spraying the area with his foul odor.  Thank heavens!


Flussssshhhhhhhhh
Gone, now.  I'm so thankful.  This is worst than living with roaches in my father's house.  This is worst than seeing a snake crawl away from the tents at camp last summer.  This is worst than the giant spider that lived under the stairs when I was a kid.  (And that thing was the size of a saucer... humongous, I tell ya!)  

I loathe the existence of these little, funky bugs.  The stink bugs terrorize me in my own home, flying around with that annoying "bzzzzzzt." sound and crawling along the walls at a super-sonic place.  Falling out of dishes that had been put away, nestling down into boxes in the pantry, hibernating between the pages of my favorite books.  And, there is no getting rid of them.  We're in for the long haul, until the stink bugs make their way back outside in the spring.  Assuming they do go back out.  Assuming they aren't super-comfy in my 72 degree home.  Assuming they don't die here, first. 

Supposedly, the little suckers can't reproduce inside.  I don't believe it.  I've found baby stink bugs, too.  Or, maybe they're midgets.  I don't know.  I don't care.  I just want them gone.  Still, the stink bugs are crawling in from the frigid outside temperatures.  Flattening themselves like pancakes, they squeeze in through our super-tight windows.  This past fall, I couldn't open a door without finding at least a dozen stink bugs hanging on the inside of the door jamb, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to invade.  Stealthy little crappers, they are.

Worst yet, you can't kill them.  Stink bugs don't give a satisfying squish if you step on them, they just juice you with their funky odor.  They can't be swatted, either.  Some people will suck them up in their vacuum cleaners, but I've heard of some vacuums being ruined by the lingering funk.  We gather them up and flush the buggers.  However, given my experience in the toilet last night, apparently some of them can swim.  

Do you live in an area that has been infested with stink bugs?  Do you have experience eradicating their presence?  If so, please help!  I'm pulling my hair out here!  I swear, if I have one more fly into my hair in the middle of the night, I'm outta here.  I'll even neighbor up with Sarah "dim-wit" Palin if I have to, just for a little mercy.  Seriously.  This is worst than the locusts.  

attack of the killer chicken mcnugget

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My two year old daughter, Katie, has a unique skill. At least, I think it's unique. She can separate food in her mouth. Typically, she does this for pieces she doesn't like. For instance, she might spit out apple peel if eating an apple or coconut if eating a slice of Italian Creme Cake.  If there's a bit of something she doesn't like, she'll just spit it out.  That includes bits of Chicken McNuggets.  Thank goodness.

Last night, we returned home from visiting John's parents for the weekend.  We arrived around dinner time and so, after unloading everyone, my husband ran over to McDonald's for a quick bite to eat.  He brought home Chicken McNugget Happy Meals for the children and some burgers and fries for the two of us.

Now, before the comments start, yes I know that McDonald's isn't the healthiest dinner choice for my children.  Yes, I know that it is full of all types of bad stuff that I don't really want them eating.  Yes, I know I have railed against mothers who don't cook and mothers who hit the drive through every chance they get.  I've also admitted, many times, that I'm not the perfect mother.  So, sue me.

Anyway, after a two hour drive in semi-wintery weather with a fussy toddler, a cranky nine year old, and two dogs, I wasn't prepared to come home and cook.  The decision was made to eat the crazily-addictive food from McDonald's.

While we were eating, Katie ran over with a Chicken McNugget in one hand and something else in the other.  yes, yes, we were eating in the living room.  mother of the year, everyone.  Taking the small morsel from her, John quickly realized it was a bone, and that it had come out of her McDonald's Chicken McNugget Happy Meal.  Our two year old had found the bone by biting into her McDonald's Chicken McNugget.  Luckily for us, she had the ability and the desire to get the inch-long bone out of her mouth without swallowing it. 

 

A quick google search revealed that this is not a rare occurrence.   Bones are apparently found in McDonald's Chicken McNuggets fairly regularly.  Mistakes happen, but this is quite disturbing.  A bone of this size and shape could easily become lodged in a child's throat.  This is absolutely a choking hazard.  One does not bite into chicken nuggets expecting to find a bone.  

Until yesterday, I had considered nuggets to be a pretty decent go-to food when we were forced to eat on the go.  They are small, easy for kids to handle, and mostly mess-free.  However, I will think twice about letting my children eat McDonald's Chicken McNuggets on even the most rare occasion from here out. I only post this story as a plea to other parents to be on the lookout for this sort of thing.  I'm not calling for a boycott, or planning a lawsuit.  I only wish to bring attention to this hidden hazard lurking in chicken nuggets.  Most U.S. parents give their children fast food from time to time.  I would hate for a child to die due to an overlooked bone.

a sunday rant

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Oh. My. God. If I could just get five minutes of peace and quiet in the morning, I'd be happy. But, I think the only way to make that happen is to get up before everyone else. When Alex insists on getting up between 6:30 and 7 AM every day, including weekends, that seems to be darn near impossible. What can I say? I like to sleep.

This weekend, my husband has been kind enough to get up with the kids both mornings. I really appreciate the extra sleep. But, when I do finally roll out of bed around 8:30 or so, I am bombarded with questions, as if I had been away for days. Today, the kids woke me up by playing catch. Right outside the bedroom door. Throwing a ball. Or, maybe two balls, seeing from the evidence. What fun.

Groggily, I got up, walked down the hall, and around the corner to the kitchen. My plan was to fix a pot of coffee, so I might be a more pleasant person as the day wore on. Do you know what I found? A dog. That is, a dog standing in the middle of the kitchen table. Yes, on top of the table. WTF?

We need to go grocery shopping again today, though we just went yesterday.  Of course, I forgot to buy a couple of things on my mental list.  You would, too, if you only kept a mental list and had to take both kids and your husband shopping.  Distractions, anyone?  Also, I thought we had two more full boxes of cereal in the house, enough to last two weeks.  Upon getting up this morning, I discovered we had half of one.  I swear, my oldest kid would eat every last crumb in the house at one sitting, if given the chance.

photo by gmnonic, via a Creative Commons license

 What do you do?  How much should a nine year old eat?  Should I let him eat whenever he wants, as long as the food is healthy?  Or, should I attempt to moderate his intake?  He is a normal weight (seriously, not just normal for now, but completely normal).  If he says he's hungry, which he claims to be all the time, do I feed him?  Really, I feel like I wouldn't be able to keep any food in the house if I let him eat however much he wanted, whenever he wanted.  I have trouble keeping the snacks stocked now.

Fifty years ago, I bet parents didn't worry about this sort of thing.  But, with the rising obesity crisis, how can one not worry?  Even the so-called "healthy" snacks aren't as healthy as they used to be.  We have over-processed every last morsel of food.  Even when it appears to be whole, it has been sprayed with pesticides, chemicals, waxes, and other toxins.  The food that we eat is slowly killing us, and yet we always want to eat more.

Yesterday, my son's Cub Scout den went and raked leaves for a woman who's husband is terminally ill.  He has leukemia and was just readmitted to the hospital on Wednesday.  She is watching the love of her life die, and though she is a physician, she can do nothing for him.  One day, this will be us.  Not my family, per say, but all of us.  We are the fattest nation in the world, yet we are the most undernourished and chemically stressed.  How many of us will actually die of old age?  How many of us will pass due to something like cancer, caused by the carcinogens that we have so easily welcomed into our homes?

So, what do we do?  Do we ignore the risks and live the best lives that we possibly can?  Do we go to the other extreme and only buy organics. locally grown foods, and hormone-free meats?  Do we grow all our own fruits and vegetables, so that we know what is in or on them?  Do we raise chickens in our backyard? Will that even help?  There is cause to wonder.

photo by Darin Barry, via a creative commons license

southern-style green beans

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Nothing says Thanksgiving like a big ol' bowl of green beans. You can keep your green bean casserole, ladies. Don't let any creamed soup or fried onions touch my beans. I serve up Southern-style slow cooked green beans in my house and that's the way it is. My granny did it and my mother does it, and so do I. This flavorful crockpot full of goodness is a tradition in my family and no feasting holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, the random birthday...) would be complete without it.

not my beans, but close enough

Southern-style green beans
4 cans of cut green beans
3 cans of shelly beans
1/4 package of fat back, side meat, or streaked meat
water
salt and pepper to taste

Combine beans in a large crockpot.  Cut meat into chunks and throw it in.  You'll want to cut your meat in larger chunks if you plan on fishing it out (my mother-in-law doesn't like beans cooked with pork, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her, so I always remove the meat before serving to her.  Do it however you want).  Stir and cover with water.  Add salt and pepper with taste, you probably won't need much salt.  Cook on low 24-30 hours or high 12-18.  I prefer to put mine in the afternoon before the meal and let them cook all night and most of the next day.  The longer you cook them, the better they taste and your home will smell SO good.

A note on shelly beans: These are really hard to find in some grocery stores.  Essentially, they are green beans with some brown beans mixed in.  So, if you are unable to purchase shelly beans, just buy pintos and rinse off the juice.  1 can of pintos would be equal to 3 cans of shelly beans, but you'll also need to add another can or two of green beans.  Lucky for you, this isn't rocket science, so combine them any way you please.

No-Knead Garlic Cheese Bread

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Over the weekend, I went to a potluck bonfire. It was such fun! The host made a great big pot of chili and asked everyone to bring a side. Well, what goes better with chili than a big ol' loaf of homemade bread?

source

I had made this 4 Hour No-Knead Bread a few times over the summer and had some success with it.  So, I pulled up the recipe once more and gave it a whirl.  I doubled it up because of the size of the crowd (an expected 30-40 guests) and I added some jazz in the form of grated cheddar and Parmesan cheese, garlic, and onion salt.  The bread was a huge hit!

No-Knead Garlic Cheese Bread
3 cups of bread flour
1 tbsp salt
1 packet yeast
1.5 cups warm water (more or less, depending on weather)
1 cup cheddar cheese
1/2 cup fresh grated Parmesan cheese
Garlic powder to taste, I used about 3 tbsp
Onion powder to taste, I used about 1 tbsp
2 tbsp olive oil
1 egg

Mix together flour, salt, yeast, cheese, and seasonings in a large bowl.  Gradually stir in water until dough is shaggy, but water is well-incorporated.

source

Set aside, cover with a damp tea towel and let rise for a minimum of four hours.  The longer you let the bread rise this go-round, the better it will taste.  Then, turn your bread out on a clean counter, punch it down once, flop it together in a loaf-like shape, and place into your pre-oiled baking dish (use the 2 tbsp of olive oil for this).  I like to use a pyrex square baker for more-rounded loaves, or a 13x9 inch pan for longer loaves.  Let rise again for one hour.  Slice the top of the bread and brush on some beaten egg.  Bake at 450 for 30-45 minutes.

simplify, my dear

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source

This morning, a debate was started on a friend's facebook page in regards to childhood obesity.  It all started due to the dear, misinformed, crazy lady who goes by the name of Sarah.  That's right, Sarah Palin.  She apparently showed up to a school in Pennsylvania, toting a tray of chocolate chip cookies to make a point that the government should not be trying to dictate what our children eat.  Whatever.  I'm grateful for school lunch on the days that I don't have time` energy desire to pack for my son.  However, I do resent that his teacher dictates what we can send for snacks, but that's aside from my main argument here.

One woman involved in this discussion had a very good point that the current trend of overscheduling children in regards to sports, dance lessons, music lessons, language lessons, tutoring, etc, etc, etc, is aiding to the rising obesity rates of American youth.  After some thought, I must agree with her.  However, others were quick to point out that no one is making the mothers stop at McDonald's on the way home from practice.

This is true.  While no one is making you stop beneath the golden arches on the way home from activities, even convenience foods that you can fix ahead and take along are often times some of the worst things that we can feed our kids. I'm willing to bet that most of the moms who try to avoid the fast food lane with pack-ahead snacks still reach for he over-processed, prepackaged junk rather than cutting up some carrot and celery sticks or baking from scratch. Even the prepackaged apples, carrots, and celery that you can buy at the grocery store, and that health food nuts advocate for moms in a rush, are coated with chemicals and/or preservatives in order to make the food remain appealing after being cut so long ago.

Additionally, if kids are eating in the car or on the run, they are developing a rushed mentality about food. Eating on the go is also proven to lead to higher rates of obesity. Slow down and eat together at the table to curb your children's overeating.

source

Furthermore, many parents resort to stopping at a fast food chain to hit up their dollar menu because they feel that they cannot afford to purchase the healthy foods for their children.  I can totally understand this.  Buying organic and whole grain and the such is very expensive.  But, why must you continue to purchase the foods at all?  What did mothers do before they could buy 101 varieties of bread in the store?  They baked it, for much less money than we can buy a loaf today.  What did they do before they could purchase cheez-its or animal crackers or high-fructose free cookie dough or whatever else we fill our carts with each week?  They either made their own snacks, or they did without.  Or, gasp! They ate whole fruits and vegetables.  If we aren't purchasing so much crap, we can afford to purchase some good stuff, too.  If we're baking our snacks, we're less likely to just toss a handful into our mouth, because that's twenty or so crackers that we cut out by hand.

Of course, many moms say they don't have the time to make things from scratch because they are so busy living a hectic and varied life. Well, ladies... there's an alternative.  The best thing that we can do for our kids and ourselves is to begin to live more simply. Quit over-scheduling and allow your children to go out and play. Let them use their imaginations. Give them time to breathe. In the meantime, use all that time you would have spent in the car or sitting at practices to actually cook healthy meals for your family. Bake from scratch, shun convenience foods that are overly processed and overpriced. Get back to gardening and raising your own food, which will help your children develop important life skills (if you require them to help as well). Above all, quit babying kids and trying to make them more "well-rounded" because it is having a serious effect on their social, mental, and physical well-being. You want to cure obesity? Let's get back to the basics in caring for our families and ourselves.

source

** I do want to note that, while I firmly stand behind this argument, I am in no way the perfect mother.  Parenting is hard work and there are days when I can't fathom the idea of doing anything more than what is necessary to get by.  We eat processed foods.  I don't bake all of our bread and things, yet.  And, I don't have all the answers.  But, I do absolutely believe that simplification and a return to the old ways would solve many of our present problems, including obesity.  So, there.

Boo-tastic Brownie Cake

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I'm headed over to a friend's tonight for dinner and Cub Scout day camp planning. She's grilling up some burgers and I'm taking dessert. When I sent my husband to the store yesterday, I wasn't sure what I wanted to bake, so I had him pick up some brownie mix for simplicity's sake. You know, you just can't go wrong with brownies!

I dreamed up this little cake while torting and filling Katie's birthday cake this morning.  It is comprised of three 6" brownie rounds and a simple, yummy filling.

To make this brownie cake, you'll need:

• 6" round cake pan 
• shortening to grease the pan
• 1 box of your favorite brownie mix (mine even has walnuts!)
• ingredients to make cake-like brownies (typically water, oil, and a couple of eggs)
• 1 cup of cool-whip
• 1 package of cream cheese
• 1/4 cup powdered sugar
• 1/4 cup of white chocolate chips or an equal amount of candy melts
• 1 spoonful of chocolate icing
• wax paper
• ghost cookie cutter

Begin by preheating the oven according to the brownie directions.  Grease your pan with shortening.  Don't forget the sides and that pesky area where the side meets the bottom.  Mix up brownies as directed.  Either divide equally into three different 6" cake pans or just eyeball it and put a third of the mixture in the one pan, bake and repeat for all three layers.  Bake for approximately 15 minutes, but watch it carefully!

When done, turn out on a cooling rack and let cool.  I found that it did best if I popped it out of the pan and then flipped the brownie layer back over to cool right side up.  That way, all the little brownie flakes don't stick to the rack.  While all three layers are cooling, make your ghost and your icing.



Ghost Directions:
Melt your white chocolate or candy melts in the microwave or in a double boiler, stirring until smooth.  Put a piece of wax paper on the counter.  When chocolate is melted, use a spatula to spread the chocolate in a thin, even layer across the wax paper.  Let sit until it is no longer tacky to the touch, but not dried hard, either.  Use your cookie cutter to cut out the ghost shape.  Lift with spatula and place atop one of the brownie layers.  Then, put your spoonful of icing into a plastic baggie, snip a small bit off the corner, and pipe on your ghost's eyes and mouth.  At this time, you can also pipe around the outside of the ghost to cover any rough edges.  Don't do any other decorations at this point!  They will only get messed up when you stack the layers.

Icing/ Filling/ whatever you want to call it.
Combine cream cheese and powdered sugar in a bowl.  Fold in cool whip. If you're like me and forget to measure the cool whip and only dump in the whole container, add more sugar until icing becomes thick.  But, that's only if you're like me, 'cause I like it stiff.

Putting it all together:
Layer your brownie cake as you would any other cake.  Trim the layers, if necessary.  Place your bottom layer on a plate or cake board and plop your filling/icing on top.  Use enough so that it will smoosh out the sides when you put the next layer on top.  Also, make sure it is semi-even so it drips neatly, if a drip can be neat.  Add the next layer and repeat.  Finish with the top layer, which should have your ghost transfer.  Add additional piping and decorations as desired.

If you want additional tips on how to do chocolate transfers, see this handy-dandy photo tutorial.

This recipe was adapted from Pampered Chef's Tuxedo Brownie Cups.  I love that recipe, but I can never eat just one, and the icing is so delicious!  So, I devised a way to get a bigger portion with more of the good stuff.  Who can blame me?

halloween fare: tapeworms and cockroaches

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Just in time for Halloween, my friends and I had our monthly recipe swap.  The premise is that each person will bring a dish and share a recipe according to the month's theme.  This was our third get-together and it was a fun one.  Mrs. M came up with the theme for October and served as our lovely host.  Her idea?  Halloween look-alike foods.  Oh, goody!

A quick google search turned up loads of spooky and gross recipes.  After much thought, I finally settled on two: Barbecued Tapeworms and Stuffed Cockroaches. 

Barbecued Tapeworms

Though the original recipe for the tapeworms called for hot dogs, I used a pack of smoked sausages that I had in the freezer to make the tapeworms.  I also substituted barbecue sauce in lieu of the ketchup.  This gave the dish a flavor similar to that of cocktail wienies.  Simply slice each sausage lengthwise into 6-8 pieces.  Boil and drain.  Return to pot and combine with 1/4 cup of your favorite barbecue sauce.  Simmer 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Serve warm.  While the recipe I referenced said to serve them as sandwiches on hot dog buns, I chose to just set my worms out in a bowl.  Either way is fine.

Stuffed Cockroaches

For the cockroach dish, I used pitted dates, a block of cream cheese, and 1/4 cup of crushed walnuts.  Simply leave the cream cheese out until it is good and soft (I skipped this part, trust me-- you want to be patient).  Then, combine walnuts and cream cheese.  Go ahead and add some food coloring to turn the mixture brown, or even puke green, if you want to be really gross.  Slice the dates open down one side, smoosh some filling inside, and pinch closed.  Serve on a creepy dish with plastic roach garnishes, if desired.



Did you know...

• Cockroaches have been around since the time of dinosaurs!
• A cockroach can live almost a month without food.
• A cockroach can live about two weeks without water.
• Some female cockroaches only mate once and stay pregnant for life!
• A cockroach can live for up to one week without its head!
• Cockroaches can hold their breath for up to 40 minutes!
• Cockroaches can run up to 3 miles an hour.

source: Pest World for Kids

cheesy potato soup

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The weather is turning nippy, leaves are changing colors, boy scouts are selling popcorn (ahem), Halloween costumes are being made, and the wind is blowing strong.  It's time to whip up some soup!

For this recipe, you'll need:

• A bunch of potatoes.  I think I used about 8 medium russets
• Two cans of stock, whatever type you have.  Use homemade if you want.
• A couple of cups of water
• Cheese.  I prefer cheddar.   I used a LOT for this, use as much as you're willing.  At least two cups, I'd say.
• Milk or cream.  About a cup, maybe two depending on how creamy you like your soup and which dairy option you choose.
• Corn starch, two to four tablespoons.  Again, this depends on how thick you like your soup.
• A dash or three of Worcestershire sauce for tanginess.
• Green onions to make it pretty

Lookie here.  I thought this was the most ingenious move of the year.  I used my apple peeler/corer/slicer to peel and slice my potatoes!  Who would've thunk of that?  I just stuck that bad boy in there, gave it a twirl, and had handy-dandy potato curls.  Viola! 

See how easy it can be?

And, then, you get these cute little potato rings.  They boil up really quickly, too.  This is how I've started doing my mashed potatoes, as well as the taters for this soup.

Then, pour your water and broth in a pot and boil 'em up just like so.  You don't need that stick of butter in the background.  That was for something else. When your potatoes are all nice and soft, take a trusty potato masher and smoosh them all up.  Whatever you do, don't drain them! 

Then, add your cheese.  If you buy it in a block, like I do, grate it up and toss it in.  I did about a cup at a time.  Stir it up so that the cheese gets all nice and melty.  If you use extra sharp cheddar, you'll probably wind up using less than two cups.  Or, you could do a combination of a few of your favorite cheeses.  Once you've got all your cheese melted, add your milk.  Just drizzle it in while stirring.  Mix it all up and then add your corn starch.  Make sure to follow the directions on the back of the corn starch container, or else it will be all lumpy.  Add salt and pepper as desired.  Simmer the soup for awhile, however long you happen to have.  Then, either use an immersion blender to smooth everything out or put a few cups of soup in your blender at a time.  Just, cover the hole in the top of the blender, so that you don't splatter everywhere!  Pour the soup back into the pot and repeat.  When you're done, it should be nice and thick and smooth.

Then, add your Worcestershire sauce.  If you add it at the end, it gives the soup the kick it needs.  Serve in bowls, garnished with green olives.  We ate ours with yummy grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, topped with caramelized onions and spicy mustard.  (Thanks to Arisce for that recipe.)